12/30/2011

How do you meet successful men...

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...she asked me.  She said she was tired of working her 9 to 5.  She was not the first one to ask me that, the question comes up all the time.  I have never had to ask this question, because despite my difficult upbringing, the answer to that was all around me. 

I want you to understand that I have always worked.  My first job was at McDonald's - of course that did not go so well.  I knew I wanted to be in fashion and after McDonald's I worked at a number of clothing stores such as Contempo Casuals, Wet Seal, and later Burdines.  I always worked and I even put myself through college, graduating with a Bachelor of Arts.  Later I would become a stylist and even when I had the opportunity to just sit back and enjoy the money I had, I chose to open my own Red Carpet Boutique.  I can tell you that the pride that came from selecting which brands to carry, the paint colors for the store interior, creating advertising and finally opening for business, was incredible to me.  Owning a boutique required long hours every day, but I loved creating it, directing it, and growing it. 

But I want you to know that it was my mother who taught me what I have always known.  Any man that she was involved with always brought home the checks.  And so would one of my first boyfriends, a local "entrepreneur" who bought me a gold Marlo name plate necklace, Bongo jeans and anything else I wanted at that time.  It was St. Petersburg, I was young and that is what I was exposed to.  He was the first man to take care of me and I have never had any different since then.

You must know that I have always believed that a man, a capable, able bodied man, provides for his family.  A man provides for people he cares about.  A man, like my grandfather, always took care of my grandmother and only after his eyesight failed did she have to work and help to make ends meet.  A man takes care of his household, his children, even his grandchildren.  It is what I have always seen around me and it is how I was raised.  My grandfather said, a man knows what a woman needs, a woman should not have to ask.  Any man that I have to ask, is not the man for Marlo...

You should know that your questions are inspiring me to teach, and that I will continue to send gems your way until you are all masters of your own destiny.  Class is in...

 

 

Photography by Pamela Mougin

Comments

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I love eveything you do marlo

This post touched my heart, Marlo. I agree with all that you've said 100%. Before one can get to this place, though, one has to feel that she's worthy and deserving. And she has to feel that in her heart.

I, too, have always dated guys who did "well." Did I seek them out? Maybe on some unconscious level I did. You see, I was raised to believe that one should date someone with whom they're equally yoked - and that is on all levels, spiritually, financially, values, philosophy-wise, and so on. This is what my mother advised, as well as my aunt. And, as such, I always found myself with guys who were not only stable in a financial sense, but also generous and comfortable with themselves in the role of provider. I honestly couldn't imagine it any other way. That's why I totally "got it" when you had made the comment that you shouldn't have "to ask" for what you need...

Like yourself, I've always worked and had my own - and I think that's why the guys I've dated were always so generous and giving. Because they knew I wasn't with them for that reason... they knew I wasn't looking for a meal ticket or to be saved. Their generosity was heartfelt and innate, and never had to be requested. I have no problems being the lady in the relationship, and letting a man be a man. My husband knows that he is the King of our castle. Although we both work full-time, he is the provider in our home and in turn I enjoy my role as nurturer to him and our two boys. He is a simple man, you see. He loves a couple of things: He loves to eat and he loves to relax in the evenings and watch sports/TV (lol). As such, I make sure he has good meals and I never have a problem with him wanting to have the game on. He's a good guy and he's an even better man knowing that he has someone home who loves him and takes very good care of him.

I hear a lot of young women today wanting to prove they "don't need a man for nothing." Well...I do. I need a man to be a man and take care of me and I need my man to let me take care of him - each in our own way.

Great one, lady!

I agree with everything that you are saying 100%. I did not know a lot about you until I came across your website, and I am truly impressed and inspired by your story. Although, I have not been as fortunate as you to come in the path of a lot of successful men, I have always been a firm believer of that a woman should not have to ask her mate for anything. I think that the things that you are doing for the Glam It Up project is awesome, as well as your other businesses, keep up the good work and stay beautiful, Marlo!!

I know the power of Melanin! On tha low, "they" do too. Have you ever read page 136 in that book "Wolf of Wall St.?" Don't buy it if you don't want to, I don't work for him or them, but pop in a bookstore one day and just flip to that page and read how he describes "chocolate lovin'." This one particular passage isn't too crass...no worries. If not that, Dr. Jewel Pookram, any utube video will sure break it down for ya; and no, I don't work for her either. Smiles... My Point? Mar, you did far MORE (Moor) for them than they could ever claim they did for you. I got reams of innerstanding on this--I know better!

My first marriage my husband provided everything, no pressure to work. I agree, no need to ask, he proudly played his position. Who I'm with now, same deal. It's just natural for him. My current is 20 years my senior, so most might charge it to maturation, but it's just him--who he is. Some men are just wired to take care of their's.

I find that the women that are vexed, critically judgmental about matters that shouldn't really affect them one way or the other... i.e.: asking this, "How some woman got her money game up?"
What they are really mad at is such a "fantasy lifestyle" of "total providership" in the vein of luxury, no less, was never granted to them by another. And they can't see how it ever will be? Hence, the quiet resentment.

In some way, I can't even fault this baleful mind-state to its holder entirely; I fault the entity that programmed us all with this fantasy. Since age 5 most little girls are already set with that Cinderella, "come rescue me my knight and shining armor!" mentality. Be it conscious or unconscious, for most females it's in there... like the tomato sauce, Pergo, "it's in there." So, they'll live life kissing many frogs till "he" shows up to rescue her. By a certain age, when he failed to "knock at her door" or "tap her on the proverbial shoulder", hell yeah she might be resentful towards all the ladies that netted such a KNIGHTLY knock or tap.

Marlo, you didn't stencil their blueprint. Thus, feel no way burdened by it. I like how graceful you are in writing about it, though. How you articulated in this blog can usher in helping one to raise their self-esteem. And that's the greatest gift you can give humanity.

But, um, look into seeing if you can assist in any way our sistas in the Congo and Darfur. Aquarius is the humanitarian...like Oprah. Surely, their stories have gotten to your ears by now. Couldja imagine how you'd really stand apart (as only a water bearer can do--effortlessly) from the other girls if you were to actually import some real "substance" into the show? If Shaiton 'll let you do it, now? That's a whole nutha story. You gotta read "Shaiton's Fire" by Jake Theone one day...you'll see what I mean. Especially when he writes the comparison between "apathy" & "evil." Great Read!

OK, back to the topic:

Not for nothing, Mar. But as you can tell by now, I'm an astrology buff. If a gal doesn't have "certain" aspects in her natal chart... like some real good 5th, 7th, & 8th house activity... A benefactor, one to the tune of your knowing, may not be in her destiny, in this incarnation, no way. This is why I advise that everyone should get their natal chart interpreted at least once in their lives. Treat yourself.

One more note, ma. If you should ever go on that Wendy Williams show... getcha guard up! From the way she treated Draya... (but yet, kisses up to that twat Kim. K, though. Go Figure?) I sense that she's not partial to pretty ladies that get "treated" well by men. Maybe cause she's doesn't think she's too pretty and or ALWAYS earned MORE than her husbands. She never felt the "kept" existence. This could be a quiet resentment of her's? Again, Aquarian, be R E A D Y if you should ever be scheduled to take to her couch one day. Smiles...


Hugs,


Ma Turnbull

Nothing but love Marlo, but I'm sorry...did you answer the inital question, "Where do you meet successful men"?

Good question Laci. It is the beginning of the answer. The exact location of a successful man is really the last step. It starts with your mindset, from there we move to style, then comes the connection. That was not my last word on the question, it will actually become a series. Stay tuned...

You are a gold-digging, trannie-looking train wreck. You fit the stereotype we normal, educated, respectable black women hate. Thanks for setting the women's and civil rights movements back 100 years...

Tranni-looking? Wow! Moving on... Who knew that only one woman could set back black women? If you know who you are you don't need another woman to validate you. Never mind Allison's insecurities, you ROCK Marlo!

Allison. You said, " You fit the stereotype we normal, EDUCATED, respectable black women hate" Oh, really???? What EDUCATED black woman need to tear down another woman? Oops, this is what some uneducated black would say. Marlo is making a point, you don't have to agree with her by trying to tear her down.

Marlo, ; )

I totally agree with you Marlo...it's not about being a gold digger...it's about what you see as your own self worth...I will not date a man that is not accommodating to my needs, men show you how they feel rather than tell you...As you said a man knows what a woman needs and will see to it that you have it...all you women saying I don't need no man, is why it's so many sitting alone singing that "Somebody did me wrong song" Woman up..men love to be needed ,but they wanna know you're not needy , nagging, lazy and trifling...he wants to know you can handle the business when he can't! Marlo go head, write the book, I see there are some here who needs to read it! You got it going on girl...You've got a lot of class...until you start getting loud ..very unladylike, it makes you look Ghetto fab, and we all know you got it going on!

I absolutely agree with you Marlo... yes, a man DOES know exactly what a woman needs. Whether he provides it or not depends on his up bringing and his character. I salute you and respect you after reading so many of your blog entries. I hope you have an opportunity to read this entry. Sincerely, you are wonderfully, strong and inspiring.... As long as you grace TRHWOA, I will continue to watch... No shade towards any of the other women..Just MAJOR kudos to you instead!

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