Labels, Hair, Make-up, Joy
This past week has given me pause. This week I was forced to confront darkness and its sometimes catastrophic outcomes. What is the impact of loneliness, fear, sadness and yearning, and how does what is bottled up inside manifest itself? I thought about coping, searching for the light anywhere you can find it and what that means for me.
Clothes is where it started, but pretty things of all kinds would soon take over as family, and a connection to them, became more and more fleeting. Pretty hair would follow clothes, then furniture and eventually a pretty home. My family, or rather, various members of it, would at different times fall into drug addiction, nieces and nephews would follow into the foster care system, and love, the true kind, the kind I had searched for my whole life, never came. More and more I needed to fill the emptiness, and cars and trips and expensive food and labels would have to make up for having less. Clothes were my refuge, clothes were what I could have, clothes had to fill the void where a mother and a father, a loving home, and a family should have been.
Even today, on a bad day - and there are still quite many - when I need to fill myself up, when I need to smile and feel what real happiness could be like, I walk into my closet. That’s when I perk up and I feel grateful, for I do have many blessings and I do have a place to go that is pretty, filled with pretty things that when I put them on, make me feel good. That’s when I feel everything will be okay. It is how I cope, and it is how I try to help others cope. Sometimes feeling pretty can be all you have and if that is so, then that is what I want to give to them.
Clothes are important to me and they lie at the core of who I am. But I know that there will come a day when I will have the most precious label of all, one I have searched for my whole life, the one I will be most proud of. One day, I will have a family and I will speak about them glowingly, I will show them off and I will go to them when I want to smile. I can’t wait to see this design...