7 posts from April 2012




I wanted to share with you a letter I recently got from someone who is trying to find herself.  She said she had survived a number of setbacks, both physically and emotionally.  She said she could not yet see the light.  I was so moved by that.  There are many people like you out there, not knowing how to make that first step.

The first step is to look in the mirror and to tell yourself, you love yourself.  You don't just do this once, it is your first step every single day.  Second, do not underestimate the power of God and the power of faith.  Anytime I go to church, or read my bible I find meaning and strength in the word. 

Third, it has always helped me to feel better when I look better.  Taking care of yourself, especially during difficult times, is important!  This does not mean spend money.  It means, put on your best dress, style your hair as best you can, make an effort to look the best you can.  You have to believe in you before anyone else can.

Putting yourself in surroundings that make you happy is also important.  For me that is being with children. Last year, some friends and I rented a big van and took their children to a cabin in the mountains.  We cooked, we laughed, we played, we had a great time.  It gave me the comfort of family - that closeness and togetherness that I love so much. 

These are the things I draw strength from.  I wish for you, who wrote to me, and all of you facing difficult times, that you might take some of these and start to create and live a better life!  We are all so much stronger than we know...


A Riddle


If you call a woman who receives gifts from men, an escort and a hoe, what then, do you call the men who only date a woman because of the gifts she buys them?  Do you call your boyfriend a hoe since he no longer has a job and cannot afford the trips you take him on and the house you live in?  Since you do not mind paying for him, judging me seems hypocritical.

And more importantly, we hear about your money, your status, your accomplishments.  But we wonder, why does a woman who is so accomplished, who has such status, never have a man on her level?  Those of us who live in Atlanta, do have the answer to that.  We know your reputation outside of the music that you have made.   And what we know is that you are not in a position to call anyone a hoe....

Our story is already written.  Whatever we receive was for us.  And all of us receive different gifts.  Continue to live your life without concern for other people's gifts.  I only wish to congratulate you on yours.





Photo+4Photo by Pamela Mougin

You can tell it had been bothering me.  That comment about the "hole."  It was so rude, so condescending.  And until now, I had not had the opportunity to speak on it.  So when I finally could, I did and it was a relief.

The thing is, I couldn't understand that of all people, the judgment would come from her.  You were a mistress and you have children by 3 different fathers.  Let me be very CLEAR so that we can all stay completely focused - this has nothing to do with the children, they are precious and innocents in all this.  This has to do with character.  I do not feel that this character, is in any position to speak about me and definitely not in that way. 

I do not fight on Twitter, making nasty comments about people, then try to hide by not using their handle.  When Marlo has something to say, she will tell you directly.  And sometimes direct talk can sting...



Photo+3Photo by Pamela Mougin


There is something to be said for letting things out in the moment you feel them, and then moving on from it right away.  The Smalls had clearly been holding a lot inside.  Though there were moments when they seemed to stand apart, in their attacks on Nene they  aligned from the start. 

I have to say, I was shocked that anyone would try to use children as a line of attack.  Isn't that bad etiquette to try to embarrass someone's child?  Though Nene read her nicely, still it should never have come to that.  Seems dangerous ground to tread when your own children are still young; who knows what the future might hold for them...

It was a spicy start to the proceedings, it only gets better...


Hunger Games



The wear and tear was starting to show.  Fatigue setting in.  The formula exhausted.  It happens when you are slow to recognize opportunity, not committed to victory for all who play well.  The audience knows it and sometimes they rebel. 

I watched the Hunger Games, did you?  The powers fed the hungry and the hungry continued to want more.  Then Katniss arrived, tentative, distrustful, but honest.  She entered the arena, not with the same packaging.  She came in trailing fire.  A few understood her possibilities right away. 

In the end, she won on her own terms.  Though the terrain was treacherous, her supporters kept her moving along.  And she rewarded them, with theatre and spectacle - drama unforeseen.  But when the powers lost hold of the reins and she created her own ending, a sacrifice was made.  The audience wanted a victor, but they were only allowed one.

Surely the powers must know, that even if the formula works, somewhere along the way it won't, and the smart ones are those who deliver the new, even before its wanted...




Arrie Mae

Women's History Month has come to a close; I wanted to end it with my grandmother's story.  She is my Foster grandmother, but to me she's just my grandmother.  She did everything for me, never treating me any different than if I were her blood.  She and my grandfather, bought me my first car, a burgundy Plymouth Laser, then a new Honda Civic.  Later, when she thought my then boyfriend and I might get married, they bought me my first house. 

Ari w me

One thing that describes my grandmother is her immeasurable strength.  I remember her at my grandfather's funeral: many of us somber or breaking down, but she was poised, her posture only projected strength.  Even in that moment, the sense of always being able to count on her, was strong.  There was never any question that if you needed her, she would be there and that she was at every moment still the backbone of the family. 

After the funeral, as everyone started to leave, services having come to an end, my grandmother stayed by my grandfather's side. They had purchased two spaces in a mausoleum, to be buried side by side. We expected her to leave with us, and for my grandfather to be placed, after we left.  But she would not leave his side until she was sure that he was placed exactly where they had planned.  Only then, when she was certain that he was taken care of, was her work complete..

Ari w bag

There are many things I can tell you about my grandmother.  She is 95, she is an Aquarius, she is a leader, she makes sound decisions, she is not wasteful - she even made her own clothes.  She is also the one you wanted to ride with if you were late for school - she would drop everything she was doing to make sure you got there fast and safe.  If you had an after school activity, she was always there - no questions asked.  My grandmother was a good wife, who has tremendous love for her family.  When my grandfather's sight failed him, she became his eyes.  She is patient. She is always understanding.

My grandmother has a quiet dignity, one that I hope to one day inherit.  She is an inspiration and she is my comfort.  She will forever have changed my life....





Center 25

Crab Leg Fest

I thought Nene's instructions were clear: say what you feel, because she will say what she feels.  How then, did you end up apologizing?  The good thing about being grown: knowing which friendships to keep and which to never get started...

Steve Harvey; the center stone is 25??  Take notes boys, I might even accept 10...