06/19/2012

A Family Story Part III

Money has overshadowed my family.  Money given yesterday is forgotten about today.  There is never an effort by anyone to also help bring money in.  And so we are in a situation where a family of adult men and women finds itself without a single person with a job.  Only that it is my job to take care of everyone.

If you know me, you know how much I love my family, especially my nieces and nephews.  It was always standard and relied on in my family that I would plan and provide for my nieces and nephews' birthdays; that I would provide them with new clothes with every change of the season.  I have always spoiled them, loved them, given them. 

I wonder, when is it okay for me to take care of myself?  When do I get to enjoy the things I work for, the things I have earned?  I am not married, I do not have children, I only have myself and only myself to provide for my needs.  When will everyone feel they have gotten enough from Marlo?  When do I stop having the guilt?  When will they remember how much I have always done?

I miss my nieces and nephews, I feel sad that they sometimes get caught in the middle.  Family is where you should be able to find comfort - I will wait to find mine...Until then, God, my friends and of course fashion will do...

Comments

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Marlo I just agree with you. You and I have so much in common. Althoug I am a guy you inspire me a lot and I just want to thank you.

Marlo what you have done for your family is already enough! I told my friend the other day how can you teach your daughter to be a strong woman if you keep giving her things and baling her out of situations. I have become the woman i am and you too Marlo because"you had to". If you love your family do just that love them. "Things" arent love. an occassional gift shows I know you exist but not love. A man can buy you gifts and not love you. You have to be careful because the dark place in your heart does exist, it is in all of us, it can't be the thing that keeps you from moving forward. John Gray once said we mirror what we need, so our actions do just that. My prayer is you focus on you and love your family with your heart not things.

That is what happens to almost every family of course when a person looks down on someone and say that they are better and keep bragging and going on about the money that they have. Like so what you got it okay keep it don't flag yo shit around thats the main reason why people get robbed.

Marlo I love the fact that you are off the show and away from the confusion. You are truly a good personxoxo.
www.damionsamuel.wordpress.com

Stop trying to save the world Marlo, thats Christ's job...and He (and life) will teach those "adults" how to survive and thrive in this world as soon as you (and your purse strings) get out of the way.

You must understand that TOUGH LOVE is still indeed LOVE - and if you handicap them by always rescuing them the lessons they NEED to learn will never manifest.

Give them time - Give them space - But let them learn, so that you can get what you need and deserve most - GENUINE LOVE (without a motive or handout).

Blessings sis,
@SingleMomsTV

Money and family don't mix, The same with friends. The bible says that a man who doesn't work doesn't eat. It is no ones responsibility to take care of able bodied men & women. Ask a handicapped person if the would trade their disability for a chance to walk so they could provide for there self, Their answer would be a resounding yes. No one should feel guilt for saying no for fear of hurting ones feelings. If the families love is genuine they will understand.

Marlo,

It will NEVER be enough. Biggie said it best, "more money, more problems". As long as you are ALL broke, money is never an issue, but the minute you (due to your hard work and determination) earn a nickel, it becomes a sore spot for those who have not (due to their lack of hard work and determination).
Until it happened to me, I never understood it when people said that money changes people. They were right, it changes those who don't have it.. Live Marlo, LIVE. Give what and when YOU want to give, it's not for anyone else to dictate what you do with your money. Oprah said it best, "not everyone will be able to make the climb with you." Life is too short, find love where you can find it. Take care of those who take care of you and wish you well. If they only love you for what you can provide, guess what? They don't love you...Be blessed pretty girl.

Never has one being gave to so many and so many has never given back to one. My spiritual child never measure your kindness to others by the measuring tape of your blood. It will only allow you to see the short comings of those that should be taking responsibility as oppose to you who is giving and receiving blessings. Your blessings have nothing to do with another person desire for blessings. Be true to you and goodness and mercy should always follow and cover you from evil. I will end my post because this is to close to my being. Love and Respect for You.

Marlo, it's lonely at the top baby. People take it for granted when they see you with nice things but they must learn that you have to work for what you have just like everyone else. Its sad to say but sometimes, we even outgrow family. You don't owe them anything and the best you can do is guide them from afar. It's not the material things that will last but the life lessons that will hold true and stay with them always.

That's how it is sometimes. Im also without kids and I sometimes find that people think I should automatically do for them because in their eyes I should alway's have money. SMH at them folks.

Marlo, I totally understand where you are coming from. Without divulging too much of my business...lol, I am in a similar situation in where I am the "go to" person when it comes to family needing money. Its not like its 20 or 30 dollars, its hundreds. Like you, I am single and not yet a mother. I am also a very hard working woman and I sacrifice for what I have. All the responsibility started to wear on me. I needed help...with me. Like you I felt the guilt and discomfort if I didn't say yes, I was letting that person down, even though I know full well that they are more than capable to fend for themselves. Until I started to set healthy limits and boundaries, I started to feel better about the guilt. If you are taking care of everyone else, who will be there when you fall? You can't take care of everyone if you don't take care of yourself. Say no sometimes. No means no...I got it but you ain't getting it. If you say yes, that is your right and prerogative. You are in control, no one else...not even family. Family can be the worst moochers. I loaned money, to siblings, nieces, etc.,.never got it back...then started to give money because I knew I wouldn't get it back. When I fell down financially...my siblings couldn't help me and I didn't go to my parents, I suffered through it on my own. I gave, loaned to everyone but when I needed help...I couldn't even ask because no one had it for me. The only person I give money to now is my mom, when I know she needs it, everyone else...I ain't got it. I love my family but they need to keep out of my pocket. I think it's because I am single with no children, that they think I can just give to my nieces and nephews endlessly. I would but that's not the point...its principle. I read your blog about solitude, sometimes you need to be financially solitary as well. Its good to seek God on things but often times we already know what we need to do. I love your warrior spirit, Marlo. I wish you all the best and stay blessed.

Financially solitary, great words! Thank you Andrea.

In pursuit of genuine family love, I may not always make the right decisions. Thank all of you, for your guidance and genuine desire for me to do well...

This reminds me of my sister one day telling me, when i vented something similar to her: "Well, someone has to be the Teri of the family." She was referencing Vanessa Williams' character Teri from Soul Food, who always became the go-to person when it came to financial emergencies in the family. Ugh, i dont like that at all. I mean, i understand why it has to happen sometimes, but it doesnt make it okay....

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